I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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