Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
