Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
