This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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