She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize