Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
