Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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