??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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