He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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