I wish I could teleport
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
