There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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