we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
