smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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