Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize