OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
