apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
