yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
