My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need moral support for this bender
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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