what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need a beard to bite.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
