Midget sex pt 2 tonight
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
