Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
vagina is talking i cant
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
