You really coming over, don't trick.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just invented taco cereal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
