Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
