I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize