Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
