Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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