My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
