I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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