so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
