You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
