So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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