my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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