yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found the puke drawer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
