Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
