I wish you could order shots online.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
