Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
