My first STD was from a foam party
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
