no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
