i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
