I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
