All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
