we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
