Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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