I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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