my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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