I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize