I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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