he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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