btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
