you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
