I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
