wat bout pragnant strippers??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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