i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
