Where did you get a picture of my penis
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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