wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
