I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nicole vs. Life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
