So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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