Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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