Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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