he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
