I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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