Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize