I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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