Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
